I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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