she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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