I wanna bring you to show and tell
im six kinds of drunk right now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
