So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
