Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
