i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
