Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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