I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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