I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
