I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
