fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
