so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
