i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
