I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
