Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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