probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sorry about my life...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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