Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
