Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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