there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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