....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
