you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
