she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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