i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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