Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
