Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
