There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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