i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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