i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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