I need to stop coming to work sober
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
