Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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