she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
