my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
