hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
