so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
