Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
