Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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