My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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