The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
