end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
