There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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