i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
