I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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