i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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