so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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