I think scott just propositioned me for sex
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
