So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
