We won't sleep together?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
