I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
