Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
