I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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