Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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