I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
