one word: firstdatebathroomanal
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
