just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
