Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
