If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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