is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
