Fuck appropriateness.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Let's paint friendship bongs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
