I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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