My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
