so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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