Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
