I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
