you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
