Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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