My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
