Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
