At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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