I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize