he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
