She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
