yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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