I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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