Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
