i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
