After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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