two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
