You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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