so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
