My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
