I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
