my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
